Year of Triumph???

I don't know why I even bothered to add The Year of "Triumph" and Sorrow. This year has only been full of sorrow. I've lost so many important things to me and I don't see things getting any better.

Sure, maybe I have to put more effort into school. Sure, maybe I should drink less. Sure, maybe I should play video games less.

But those things are my release. My escape from this Year of Sorrow.

I feel like I'm handling things fine. Sure I'm not happy with the way things are. Of course I'd like them to go back to when I still could ace school without trying, still could run massive amounts at a time, still could come home and not have to worry about studying or bills, and when I still had a brother, but I can't. I don't try to entertain those thoughts because they are painful and aggravating, but people think I'm holding everything in, that I need someone to talk to. This "someone" is going to be our family counselor. "Everyone says you should see one after a loss this big." Cool, I'd prefer not to though. The reason I don't sob and whimper and spill my guts to people is because that's not how I mourn a loss. I might shed some silent tears and cling to someone, but I'm not going to wail about how life isn't fair. Life ISN'T fair. I'm come to terms with that truth, doesn't mean I like it 100% of the time, but I accept that it is a reality.

All seeing this counselor is going to do is take time away from the things I want to be doing and throwing me into an uncomfortable position where I'm going to feel like I HAVE to tell him something to look like a normal person. I'd prefer not to tell my problems to a total stranger, but I guess anyone on here can read them so what's the difference eh? Well for one, I'd say the difference is that I'm not actually talking to who ever is reading this. They can think whatever they want, but I don't have to hear their thoughts and criticism. Other than that, maybe there isn't a difference, but it sure feels good to be able to type this out instead of having to tell it to some shrink.

So I say again, this is the Year of Sorrow. Not the year of Triumph. Maybe I'll change my mind later on in the year, but prospects are bleak and I'm not in the mood to conquer huge challenges at the moment. I'm tired. I don't want to be at school anymore. I know I should power through the day, but my feelings are so persistent. All I want to do is go home and escape through some mind numbing video games.

But all is not gloomy skies and darkness. I do have some solid friends that are supporting me through these hard times and I love them for it. My parents are also being a pillar of support for me, I couldn't do it without them. So to my friends and family: Thank you for everything.

I think I'll try for a nap now.

Truly the year of Sorrow

Last night on 9/15/11 a part of my soul was stolen from me. RIP brother. We always joked about going out fast and young, but I never thought it would happen like this. You will always be in my heart.

Well that was Hawkward.

Quite a sensitive situation girlie.




Currently Listening to: Skrillex - Kill Everybody

Current Mood: Tired.

Day 4

The hardest and most satisfying day yet. I struggled through it, and was surprised that it wasn't the traditional hour, but instead longer. Although it had a nice ending to it and left me feeling very peaceful and calm. Also finished the first Sword of Truth books. Amazing book. And as I've always felt, you know its a good book when you're sad its over and you feel like a part of you is missing without it. I also know it was a fantastic book because it drew my emotions into it. It almost hurts how attached to the characters you get.

Camping tomorrow. Should be fun :D

This spring break is flying by, but so is this year I suppose. I only see it getting better :)

Day 3

Still on the workout plan. Very Sore, Very Tired. woooo hope tomorrow is a decently easy workout.





pew.

Day 2

Completed two days so far. Hated life with this one. I keep telling myself it'll only get easier though. Gotta stick with it. June 6th should be freedom, but we'll see. Gotta go on a hike after this. @_@ oh joy. I'm gonna chronicle my progress through here as frequently as possible. We'll see if I can keep up because sometimes after I just wanna lay there. Wish me luck!

Headache

I have a headache, but right now I'm proud of it. Just finished my paper for Theater, two quizzes for Chem, got an 86 on my Chem exam, and took care of some email sending. Sometimes school is so frustrating, I just have to make sure I don't get overwhelmed.


The House is coming along nicely. Just have to finish hanging some fans, painting, and put the flooring in and It'll be livable. (might not be the cleanest living conditions though). Still don't know whats to become of the house though.

Job search is at a standstill, I keep applying at more casinos, more restaurants, more stores. Most of which result in not even a call back. Hell, I even went on Craiglist looking for work. My schedule just sucks majorly for trying to fit work into.

Had two fever blisters back to back. Wondering why I'm getting hit so hard.

Still trying to keep up with the gym, so far not too bad, although I've found myself being lazy and working out at my house more than anything. Not the best workouts, but at least I'm getting something in.