Year of Triumph???

I don't know why I even bothered to add The Year of "Triumph" and Sorrow. This year has only been full of sorrow. I've lost so many important things to me and I don't see things getting any better.

Sure, maybe I have to put more effort into school. Sure, maybe I should drink less. Sure, maybe I should play video games less.

But those things are my release. My escape from this Year of Sorrow.

I feel like I'm handling things fine. Sure I'm not happy with the way things are. Of course I'd like them to go back to when I still could ace school without trying, still could run massive amounts at a time, still could come home and not have to worry about studying or bills, and when I still had a brother, but I can't. I don't try to entertain those thoughts because they are painful and aggravating, but people think I'm holding everything in, that I need someone to talk to. This "someone" is going to be our family counselor. "Everyone says you should see one after a loss this big." Cool, I'd prefer not to though. The reason I don't sob and whimper and spill my guts to people is because that's not how I mourn a loss. I might shed some silent tears and cling to someone, but I'm not going to wail about how life isn't fair. Life ISN'T fair. I'm come to terms with that truth, doesn't mean I like it 100% of the time, but I accept that it is a reality.

All seeing this counselor is going to do is take time away from the things I want to be doing and throwing me into an uncomfortable position where I'm going to feel like I HAVE to tell him something to look like a normal person. I'd prefer not to tell my problems to a total stranger, but I guess anyone on here can read them so what's the difference eh? Well for one, I'd say the difference is that I'm not actually talking to who ever is reading this. They can think whatever they want, but I don't have to hear their thoughts and criticism. Other than that, maybe there isn't a difference, but it sure feels good to be able to type this out instead of having to tell it to some shrink.

So I say again, this is the Year of Sorrow. Not the year of Triumph. Maybe I'll change my mind later on in the year, but prospects are bleak and I'm not in the mood to conquer huge challenges at the moment. I'm tired. I don't want to be at school anymore. I know I should power through the day, but my feelings are so persistent. All I want to do is go home and escape through some mind numbing video games.

But all is not gloomy skies and darkness. I do have some solid friends that are supporting me through these hard times and I love them for it. My parents are also being a pillar of support for me, I couldn't do it without them. So to my friends and family: Thank you for everything.

I think I'll try for a nap now.

Truly the year of Sorrow

Last night on 9/15/11 a part of my soul was stolen from me. RIP brother. We always joked about going out fast and young, but I never thought it would happen like this. You will always be in my heart.